An affirmation of love.
Tell me something, don't overthink… Tell me, what is the most important relationship in your life?
Your mother? Your partner? Your best friend? Your dog?
Those clients who have been with me for a while know the answer very well. At first, many of them doubted a bit, but eventually, all of them got it.
The most important relationship in life is with yourself. As simple as that. Yourself has been there from your birth and will be there until the last breath.
Since there is no chance of getting free from this truth, you must get along with your most loyal and forever best friend, which is you, earlier than later. Believe me, once you achieve this goal, you will be ready to develop healthy and mature, lasting relationships with other people. If the primary relationship in your life is unhappy or incomplete, don't ask yourself why the rest of the relationships in your daily life are not working as you wish because the answer is clear.
We need to marry ourselves, and that means taking vows. You must love yourself for poorer or richer, and that means no more than standing by yourself when you win and when you lose, when days are glorious and when days turn dark.
You must promise to love yourself for better or for worse. I am great today; I am not tomorrow. You have your days, and everybody has their days too.
In sickness and in health. I feel so good when I achieve something, when I am on my weight, connected, but also, you must love yourself during hard times too, in the chaos. When a crisis comes up, you didn't reach whatever you wanted. Remember, you accept to be yourself until the end. Can you count on your persona?
You want to treat yourself the way you want somebody else to treat you. And that also means that once you learn to love yourself the way you are, you are ready to love others in the same way as they are.
Introverts probably know better how to have a good relationship with themselves. Those who deal naturally with solitude are probably well prepared to connect with their inner self. I usually hear clients saying 'I can't stay alone' or 'when I am alone I begin to think negative things' or 'I need others'. The need of staying with others is natural. We are social beings. We need to connect to others. The matter is when still being with people, we remain unhappy or unsatisfied. And that means that you need to fix your internal relationship because no one else will make you happy.
What I am talking about is a declaration of love to yourself, of course. To do this, you need to work on your self-esteem - something I have spoken out about in a previous article and which is also foundational in the way of your personal growth-. People who build up a solid and healthy relationship with others show the same connection with themselves.
A good relationship is raised over the acknowledgement of who you are, acceptance, appreciation and affirmation.
Acknowledgement of your inner self, with its good things and bad things, strengths and weaknesses, with its regrets and achievements, But also well connected to your body and your needs. No one looks after you and knows you better than yourself.
Acceptance of what you can't change of yourself, but also the commitment to the things you can. By taking what you can improve seriously, you will grow.
Appreciation. You are a miracle, yes you are. There is nobody else like you here. You are unique, with all you. You don't need to look or do things the same as others.
And affirmation: this is me, my best version of the only me in the world. I can be my best version, or I can be my average one, you decide. There is no correct answer as long as you are satisfied with any of those choices.
You also need to know that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. A relationship does not exist without conflicts or disagreements. We all are different, and that is magic. Once you are able to have disagreements with the little voice inside you without meaning to break up with that part of you, you will be ready to stand an argument with another person without needing to end your friendship. What is real and possible is a healthy connection with yourself. A healthy relationship relies on loyalty, confidence and honesty. There will be good days and bad days, but so that you know, even running away to the most recondite place on earth, you will never get free from this relationship. So, you better fix this up now.
Loyalty to yourself means never doing things that go against your wellbeing. Oh gosh! We do this all the time! So you probably have done something that did not make you feel good and, by contrast, made somebody else happy, wrong way!. When you are loyal to yourself, you respect your boundaries and someone else's boundaries.
Confidence, whether you trust your decisions, you trust your internal voice, you will know you are on the right path. Confidence also means that even making mistakes sometimes. You will try to do the right things afterwards—the right things to you. If you don't trust yourself, you will never trust anyone.
You will realise that there is no as terrible mistake as lying to yourself. Those who have done it know what I am talking about deeply. When somebody lies to you, it is so painful and disappointing. When you lie to yourself, that is destructive. You lose yourself, and it is hard to give the trust back.
If all of these points seem too difficult for you, you will probably be in a previous state, finding yourself or building up your esteem. There are also two previous articles you can have a look at on my blog.
If you feel comfortable and happy with yourself alone, congratulations! Because you are ready to create a relationship with others.
If you do not, revise what is wrong, confront yourself, and know there are always knowledgeable people to help you.
Now, go to the mirror, tell me what you see….
Evelyn
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